Take time to understand before rushing into a solution

As humans we often rush too quickly to find solutions. The problem is we didn’t spend enough time understanding the problem. This is particularly the case when the problem is to do with emotions and communication. These problems are more complicated and thus take more time to understand. With emotions a lot of problems can be solved by building connection and understanding.

Rushing to a solution in a way that skips the connection is a common problem with relationships. A person doing this is often doing it with the most positive intention of wanting to resolve an issue or fix a problem.

However, when we skip the connection the other person rarely feels included in the solution. Furthermore, we have little guarantee that the solution will meet their needs because we haven’t taken the time to find out what they are! NVC encourages us to connect first — get clear on each person’s observations, feelings, needs, and requests — and then, once the needs are clear and there is mutual understanding, together arrive at a strategy that meets all or most of the needs.