Three level questioning

This is technique in conversation using open ended questions which can quickly take a conversation from a superficial level to a deeper one which exchanges deeper emotional information and motivations. The questions start at Level 1 and then move to Level 3.

It isn’t a fundamental communication idea but for someone used to fairly superficial questions then this can help you go a lot deeper.

Level 1 - Facts

What were you doing in the weekend?

I was fixing a fence.

Level 2 - Motivations

Who were you fixing the fence with?

I was with my brothers. We often get together and help my parents in this way.

Level 3 - Emotions

How did it feel doing this with your brothers? Have you alway gotten along? What does it remind you of?

It reminds me of my younger brother always trying to keep up with us. Even before he could walk. His knees would get bloody as he would try to crawl around after us.

This was loosely based on a real conversation I had with someone. I forget the exact specifics of how I got there but it is amazing what surfaces with some people when you use this technique. People have a lot of emotions which they want to express often but mostly people don’t ask the right questions.

When I first learned this technique I got a bit carried away with it. I didn’t realize it was possible but you can have too much of a good thing. I used this technique on everyone from friends to uber drivers and got into an elevated mental state through receiving too much information. i.e. out of Equilibrium.

See CAMH Visit. If you are not used to receiving a lot of emotional input, practise moderation. Too much is not good for your mental health.