When any of us get emotionally riled up about a problem, about the worst thing one can do is try and to rationally problem solve the issue with us before we’ve had time to process the emotion.
Rational problem solving won’t be possible until emotions have subsided. The more trust that exists, the easier it is to help someone regulate themselves and calm down. It’s important to recognize that we are all driven by emotions first and rationality second.
/wiki/spaces/DEVELOPMEN/pages/978223125 is a good way to help them regulate first and then it becomes possible to rationally problem solve.
One helpful analogy here with strong emotions is to think of a restaurant kitchen with swing doors. It doesn’t work if both people try and charge through the swing doors at once with strong emotions. This is when you get really bad toxic fights. One person has to give way to let the other person use the swing doors first. Eventually if it is a healthy relationship it should be possible for you to have your turn, it might be later in the conversation or it might be in a subsequent conversation.