When any of us get emotionally riled up about a problem, about the worst thing one can do is try and to rationally problem solve the issue with us before we’ve had time to process the emotion.
Rational problem solving won’t be possible until emotions have subsided. The more trust that exists, the easier it is to help someone regulate themselves and calm down. It’s important to recognize that we are all driven by emotions first and rationality secondAn emotionally upset person is not in an equilibrium state.
By gently asking questions and listening - showing what is called empathy you can help another human being emotionally regulate.
More Detail
It’s like calming the neural circuitry to get out of a busy state
When someone gets upset, trying to solve the problem right away might not work. It's better to help them calm down first, by understanding and accepting their emotions. This is especially true when there's trust between people. Remember, emotions come before logic, so it's helpful to show that you understand how someone feels before trying to find a solution together.
/wiki/spaces/DEVELOPMEN/pages/978223125 is a good way to help them regulate first and then it becomes possible to rationally problem solve.
One helpful analogy here with strong emotions is to think of a restaurant Imagine a kitchen with swing swinging doors. It doesn’t work if If both people try and charge push through the swing doors at once with strong emotions. This is when you get really bad toxic fights. One person has to give way to let the other person use the swing doors first. Eventually if it is a healthy relationship it should be possible for you to have your turn, it might be at the same time, it can cause a mess. It's better for one person to step back and let the other go first. This way, each person can have their turn, either later in the conversation or it might be in a subsequent conversationfuture one. This helps avoid big fights and keeps the relationship healthy.